


Our Power

by chillithian



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: F/F, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 03:09:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15330423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chillithian/pseuds/chillithian
Summary: Sunsets can stir up the strongest feelings of nostalgia.





	Our Power

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 2 of Tales Femslash Week 2018 (orange, strength/power)

There was little more beautiful in the world than a sunset, disappearing over the horizon slowly, dyeing the clear skies with the most elaborate mix of hues unavailable during the day or night. The fiery reds and pinks, solemn purples, and mellow oranges evoked the similarly multicolored feelings of awe, appreciation, and nostalgia.

            Witnessing this one day’s particular sunset in the small town of Leronde were two girls, legs dangling over the ocean as they sat on the fenced-off ledge that they really probably shouldn’t have been sitting on. It had been the idea of the taller one, an adventurous and spunky brunette with her own sense of how best to appreciate certain things in life – in this case, sunsets. The shorter white-haired one was notorious for being rash, impulsive, and impatient, but today she sat as patiently as she could, quietly trying to appreciate the view.

            Long silence was not something that came easy to either of the two, but the situation had brought it to them both naturally. The most readily apparent was the very recent beginning of their relationship as friends turning into something a little more intimate. Though they had long been supporting each other throughout their uncanny friendship, the shift in feelings added something new that needed to be digested.

            But more powerful still was the sunset’s subconscious effects. Bathed in different shades of orange light, the girls could feel their hearts and minds open up to each other, to the world, and to their own thoughts, resonating within them.

***

Agria could hardly remember the last time she was able to feel so at ease and open with someone. Though she still had her problems with aggression and being rude at times (I would have died if I hadn’t become like this), she could finally see that childlike comfort of trust and some semblance of stability within her reach.

            It wasn’t like she had always been nasty and hateful. “Everyone is born good. No matter how dark it gets, part of that goodness will always be there, so always be kind.” Her late mother’s words echoed in her memory. Thinking of how she was now always hurt; this messed up, vengeful, angry person wasn’t the person her mother raised her to be.

            But Agria’s heart was weak. Or rather, it was strong but became overwhelmed. The abuse from her family, the murder (suicide, I have to come to terms with it) of her mother, the anger, the homelessness, the killings, the anger, all that anger, repressed her whole childhood because (I have to be strong for Mama) she had to be stronger than hate.

            But she gave in.

            And her life wouldn’t ever be the same.

            She would die before she dared undermine the positive effect King Gaius and the Chimeriad had on her life, as much as she would pretend to the latter’s faces that she didn’t like them. However, it wasn’t so close as to match the warmth and trust she felt before everything. Presa was a sister better than Agria’s own blood sister, but they both had parts of their pasts they didn’t want to talk about to each other. King Gaius, though he was the epitome of perfection in her eyes, was much older than her and would always remain at some distance.

            That exact feeling of love from before was lost (stolen) for good, she was sure.

            Then she met this girl next to her. That annoying, overly-persistent girl who wouldn’t stop trying to be her friend, who wouldn’t stop trying to make them see eye-to-eye. That girl who could see the good in everyone (who could do what Mama wanted from me better than I could), who tried to find a solution to everything (who hadn’t had her hope taken from trying forever).

            Agria scorned her, mocked her, everything one could possibly do to make someone hate them, because her optimism was repugnant (why did she get to keep her innocence) and pathetic.

            But the girl’s optimism won out. Though she kept up her defensive air as much as possible, Agria’s guard was falling every day they spent together. Here, finally, was someone who talked about her problems and wanted to listen to Agria’s, even if sharing was difficult and helping would be more so. Here, finally, was someone who – it was hard to admit – maybe, just maybe, cared. And someone who maybe (just maybe) could be trusted.

            Agria was less pessimistic but still realistic. She knew this friendship, or this love, wouldn’t heal her overnight. It would take years, and she’d have to go into therapy eventually. But slowly she could see the strength in her heart rebuilding itself. She’d begun to come to terms that her mother wouldn’t hate her for how she turned out. She one day could begin to come to terms with the fact she never deserved the hell her life had put her through. She had spent so long cursing the naivety of those who were eternally optimistic, but maybe a bit of naivety was the power she was missing.

            She looked away from the peach-tinted sky that reminded her of her mother’s favorite blanket and turned towards her girlfriend, flecked in citrusy light.

***

Leia could hardly remember the last time she could properly vent her feelings to someone she knew was fully listening. Since childhood, she had always put it upon herself to be the beacon of sunshine in everyone else’s life, no matter what she was actually feeling (people already have other problems), no matter how down she got on herself.

            Hard work was the most central value her parents had fostered within her since before she could remember. With indomitable perseverance and a smile, anything could come true. She was more confident in the truth of this statement than almost anything else, and she applied it not only in her duties working for the inn, but also in her day-to-day relationships with people.

            Especially in her relationship with Jude. The two of them were always focused on seeing the best in people, so they were as perfect a pair of best friends as one could find anywhere. But when an accident left Leia near paralyzed, she wasn’t able to pull her weight. It was only Jude taking care of her. Her sunshine left her.

            And it was awful. With Jude’s care came her new feelings, and with the end of his care at her recovery came her desperate game of catch-up (I’ll never be such a burden again), the race to make back the lost time where she couldn’t be there for him.

            But eventually, she was left behind. Her best, dearest friend went away to work on his life goals, and here she was, with nothing but her (fake) cheerfulness. And eventually, she was replaced. He came back with that woman, the Lord of Spirits. How could she ever compare?

            She kept her smiles on as much as she could, for her parents, for Jude, for her new friends (for my sanity), because worrying them more would make it all worse. But she could never get her mind off how the others were wise, or powerful, or talented (and I have nothing). All she had was being happy, and a lot of it wasn’t genuine, but rather an attempt to mask her real, insecure self.

            She figured she’d go her whole life being this useless and unremarkable.

            Then she met this girl next to her. That rude, brash girl who no matter what Leia tried was always pushing her good intentions aside. That girl who kept ridiculing the ideals she held dearest to her (am I really doing the right thing), who made her question everything she stood for and thought was right (can I really push my thinking onto her).

            But after years of feeling worthless, years of feeling like she was just faking it until she made it, something inside her began to light up. A feeling that she wouldn’t give up, a feeling that she could and would get through to this girl and help her out (in a way only I can) when no one else would.

            And that girl really put up a fight, but in the most difficult moments, Leia knew it was when she was needed most. Though the girl was by far one of the most stubborn people she had ever met, Leia was always able to read into the deeper emotions that were hidden. And soon enough, she was able to talk about her true feelings too. Slowly but surely she was feeling less like a burden, or like someone’s extra baggage. There was a girl right here who needed her to be honest as much as she needed her to be honest.

            It wasn’t like Leia was perfect now. She still had her doubts about her worth, and her anxieties about being a drag on others. But after so long, she was finding the strength to put these worries aside and realize that she was just as worthy of help and kindness as anyone else was. She could notice she was finally putting on more genuine smiles than fake ones, and each day it became easier to share her true thoughts. Being able to discover her true worth had once seemed impossible, especially with the conflict from her and that girl’s wildly opposing worldviews, but maybe that bit of conflict was the power she had needed all along.

            She turned away from the tangerine-colored sky that reminded her of the wildflowers she and Jude used to pick and looked towards her partner, bathed in the soft, sweet glow.

***

The two girls’ eyes met, breaking each other from their introspective trains of thought. As if connected, small smiles formed on both of their lips simultaneously, and light blushes covered their illuminated faces.

            The white-haired one, embarrassed, quickly _hmph_ ed and turned her gaze away, but her hand crept towards her lover’s, until their fingers touched and intertwined, radiating their warmth and that of the setting sun’s.

           


End file.
